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Mornings After

  Whatever our experience with that word, dear reader, this is not what it may seem. No empty bottles to tap you on the shoulder to bring to mind what the night before has left behind. No and not that hung over feeling you’ve had from coming out of anesthesia. NOt the heavily dosed narcotic meant to reign in a high degree of pain. This is a different kind of feeling. It’s been described as brain fog but it’s more than that. You’ve known that holiday let down feeling, the depression that comes from these events.. The anticipation of most events is usually higher than the reality could ever live up to- and thanks to modern media, that’s more true today than ever in the past. It’s part of what makes ‘Christmas Vacation” with Chevy Chase and Beverly DeAngelo in it. When the family watches this movie, this is what make it all the more humorous.It is about this phenomena. It’s about looking back at holidays left in our memories becoming more and more ideal with each passing year that only selective memory can shine.  This is the time after the family has left.  Yes the time when you have hugged your very heart goodbye repeatedly. And here you are, left overs being tossed daily…even the chocolate unconsumed. The dogs have a hung over depressed look about themselves. Their body posture is so telling with sloping shoulders , curved backs, head hanging down, they drag themselves through the day Then along comes that friend or friends from out of town. They come bringing the joy in their hear. There are no expectations from them. There are no grand holidays past to live up to. There is only that moment. The dogs walk a bit taller again, their heads held higher once again. There was running in sheer delight and treats . Visiting dog friends in tow bring the mood level back up to where it had been from their family doggies who came to visit. In the early morning quiet ,it’s easy to feel blessed  amid the exhaustion. Anyone with a chronic illness knows that if not during ,then just following the holiday activities there is a period of exacerbation. How one decides to view the whole thing has an affect on that too. You have to be aware of it and give into it when it demands rest…or you find yourself with closed eyes while someone is talking with you.  As other family members have caught planes to visit other family half a country away, you wonder where they are getting the energy. Your coffee tastes better than a day ago, but it isn’t kick starting you as it usually does. There are so many  tasks waiting for your attention that you will clearly be putting off for another day- or another week, You think of the few things you accomplished yesterday and tell yourself that they were clearly the the main things to be done for now. Perhaps there is some truth in that. There is family left to be visited and that will wait for now. The news drones on in the background with the most disconcerting of stories. It is something you must tune out if you’re to take anything positive with you through the day. Your heart apologizes as your prayers reach out to victims and agressors families.  It seems there are never enough prayers, never enough tears. When you get the message from a friend who is about to leave on a doctor’s appointment for a very concerning sign. Her last news on this was foreboding and you again pray . It is truly all that’s left to you. The day will be full and rich and meaningful no matter what the outcome. No matter what, life goes on. It works out as it was meant to work out for reasons not known to us in this life. When we’re young we are obcessed with the whys and the fairness of situations. By this time in life , you come to understand that life happens. There is no regard to fairness and what you may think would be deserved isn’t necessarily what karma brings.  By this age, you realize that fairness really does not have much to do with anything. On to the finer parts of the day!!

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