Snow in the Valley

WHat is it about watching the snow as it lights upon the earth that transports us to its own place and time? Magically it seems to bring alive all it touches. Or is it that it blankets  the outside snuggling it into winter’s slumber? Looking out of the window, it’s like being within a snow globe. (Hey there’s a movie about that! a cute one- tad cheesy but cute!) The silence with which it nestles down in these still type of snowfalls is nearly deafening. ..For all the thoughts that have been trying to find their place in my brain, this is soothing. It used to be utter chaos when I felt functionally worse and when news was added to it this felt like the floor was dropping out from under me. This time there were moments of free fall. Only not so terrifying.

Sometimes just getting ‘news” unhinges us mentally and we jam up in trying to process it all. But in the end, the fact is that there may be labels for things that are already happening nut the rate of trying to absorb every detail of it all may be a mute undertaking. After all It’s already in progress. Already we’ve been dealing with it. We just didn’t know how else to handle it, to gauge what is happening. It gives yet another label so medications and treatments can be used to which  insurances may hopefully contribute  It gives a window to peak through as to what to expect as time wears on once you know that it’s progressive. {I suppose it yearns to keep the other progressive condition company. ha!)

I think back as to the confusion of why medications didn’t work as anticipated for the first condition and realize that having these two leaves what we see in a quandary of guesswork except for a certain few symptoms that are specific to one or the other condition. (Yes condition seems more friendly than disease, right?) It’s kind of like the snow blanketing the land below. You see the terrain but there are places covered over that render themselves much like those little dips in the shore’s floor as you walk towards the ocean. You know it’s there but not where exactly. With experience in it , this is  less of a surprise since you knew it was coming,just not when exactly.

SO in the end there’s a light blanket of snow greeting the morning now. There is a calmness in the settling in of “the news”. It is what it is. I will do what it takes to live, to fully live given the realm of pebbles underfoot and boulders and hills along the climb. It’s okay. WHile there are sights that will be out of reach in all likelihood, there have been all along since the first condition grabbed the reins. It and I fought over those reins until I realized the futility and frustration I was setting myself up for in demanding it release the reins. I know now that regardless of wishing it was not there, it is and will be. Now we scoot over for another- Well it has been there with us, we just now have a face to see it as. SO I learn to share the reins. There is no choice in it really. I will live my life- altered plans, altered methods of moving forward- but I will drive with my destiny. It is not a matter of winning or losing. It is a matter of what and how as to a plan for living. It’s an exercise in getting creative.  It can and will be done. There are reasons our lives are what they are in many ways. I will brush the snow aside and use the footing underneath for my journey forward.

It isn’t unusual to find it this cold this time of year- it’s late autumn in PA after all. It’s closing in on Thanksgiving for heaven sake. I get that there’s an arctic blast but we’ve had significant accumulations of snow at this time of year in the past. We can take the “It could be worse perspective.” But why compare? WHat is here is here for the duration , How we look at it determines whether this is a challenge, part of the path, or a tragic roadblock unable to be moved.

Lighten up. Life is short- incredibly short. We can’t sidetracked by it not being as we envisioned or as we planned. It’s part of the wonder and beauty of it, the twists and turns. The changes we experience are all part of the wonder of it all.


One thought on “Snow in the Valley

  1. I love how your mind ponders the quandaries you face, Bettemae, and then, like a comfortably well-worn path, you wander through these obstacles, acknowledging them, but not allowing them to block you, and in the end find yourself finishing a walk that allowed your conscience to quietly answer your inner concerns. It’s a beautiful, gentle trip. Not unlike the tipping of your snow globe world and allowing the flakes to fall as they will, exactly as they wanted to.
    A lovely, thoughtful post.

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