It isn’t far to go for me to feel those ties that bind. I look about at my 4 greyhounds and photos of my dear,Wisper, our first greyhound who will always hold a place in my heart. She was indeed a nurse. She knew when something hurt and took it as a personal mission to be the heating pad for all she loved. Between laying on joints that hurt to lying besides backs that hurt, to laying against my daughter’s broken leg and ankle- each time she experienced her torsion fractures. Add to it her soulful eyes and gorgeous red brindle coat and you have a picture of grace and love.
The photos and comfort gifts from my children used and seen everyday remind me of the best in my life. From the artistic to the practical, they have blessed me in reminding me I am loved. Of course my current husband (And no there are no plans for changing our status.) besides his patience and hard work in making our home friendlier to my condition and gorgeous on a shoestring budget, gives me encouragement and a friend who makes me laugh to tears at times.
My sister and her family have blessed me with their sense of humor, adding the faith in me- even when I deserved it least. They have always been there for me for whatever is needed when it is needed. Her kindness and love have been important in keeping me remembering that I am still a person. My brother who refuses to let the miles separate us for long. He too gives me strength from the faith he relies on in facing the challenges that come his way.
My guitar that sits in a corner in its case reminds me of the days when playing it came easier and gave me a joy and a grounding point within myself. Thanks to my parents for never keeping me from the love of music and teaching me to love all kinds of music. My brother comes to mind as he bought me my first guitar when I was in junior high on Christmas at a time I had too much emotion and angst to know what to do with.
My former husbands and especially my most recent former husband’s family who kept our forged friendship made as family. It goes beyond touching and they are all dear to me.
The foundation of my feeling, my learning about love of course were my parents, my family. While it could be easy to dwell on the imperfections, the lessons learned though have more value than the dysfunction which exists in all families to some extent. (We are all human after all.)
I couldn’t begin to discuss all those over the years with whom I felt home when we are or were together . When I was surprised by a friend with a call wishing me a happy birthday, I was taken by the way we talked and laughed together like we had back in the day. It was all the more precious to me as I know he is a very busy man- a physician with a beautiful wife and 2 grown children and his first granddaughter. We were friends in high school. We dated briefly as well and on my 16th birthday I split up with him, having overheard that his exgirlfriend who broke up with him was missing him and was heart broken. Not certain how much truth there was in it- but I knew her and felt badly for her. (They had been a couple for a long time- for high schoolers.) She was a sweet person and far prettier than I so I was sure given the chance he’d be happier with her. It was my first lesson in giving to someone who would never know why and could not repay it. It was an act of purely giving to two people I cared about over my own heart. It was a difficult time for me. But it may be one of the best things I’ve done. Oh I hear the laughter and the “Silly” comments. But it was a lesson carried into adulthood. Trouble may be that it may have began a series of relationship sabotages. Rugged. lol Never can tell.
Of course I have some really close friends. I may not have a lot of them but I do have some who I treasure and will always be a part of my heart. Some go back to my elementary/junior high/ senior high school times. Some are from my nursing school days. ( You don’t live with people for 3 years sharing a common cause and growing together without taking them forward in your heart.) Nor do you spend leisure and study hours singing Neil Young and John Prine and Carly Simon with someone and not feel a special closeness. We all laughed and cried together.
There are places and times in our lives that are within us, part of..a grounding feeling… a feeling as home to us as any other. Some are places we’ve grown and lived. SOme are places we’ve never been but they feel they’ve been within us for our whole lives. Are they keyed in our genes somewhere? Have they come to us because of something passed down through our ancestry? I truly do wonder. I just do recognize how blessed we are to have such feelings. Be it romantic or a frolicking joyful, or dramatic feeling- I believe there are reasons for what we feel when we see some things or hear some things. It’s a connection to our being the human beings we are.