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AH

Does it get better than this? I have thought that in my lifetime when I thought that things couldn’t possibly be better. Usually accompanied with a twinge of I wonder when that other foot will fall. I would push thoughts out of my mind that made me fear what it was that would eventually end the bliss. It was obvious that something would eventually bring down the incredible high of when life just seems so darn “right”. After all things just don’t stay that way- which is why we can’t base our happiness on the situations in our lives. Otherwise life will wag you by your tail. There are just naturally ups and downs in life. Your happiness has to be bound to something more stable. There has to be a way to tie your happiness to who you are, how you choose to be. Now certainly some events shake a person’s foundation. There will be those events that will make you sad about them. But even people in mourning can be people who are positive people. Some come by it naturally, finding those things in a situation to be thankful for, things that are the best of a situation. Many of us have to work at it more than others. And I believe everyone struggles with it at times in their lives- even the MOST positive people.
Now I had asked that question to the cosmos when I wondered if things were ever going to look up. There are those times in life when hurts are so deep, when enough negative needs come one thing after another when a person can’t help but wonder if this is the circling drain or will things improve before you get sucked down the drain of despair.
Home ownership is one of the great American dreams- or so I am told. And it can be a wonderful feeling having that one special roof over your head that is your family’s mecca. But it is not without its downsides. The onslaught of home repair- especially when your home is over 150 years old in parts- can be overwhelming. It isn’t just things that require updating. It’s those things that need updating and in the process something yet not updated breaks and in doing so damages something else. These are some of the nightmares of home repair and why no matter how good a person is at parts of home repair when it comes to plumbing, foundations, electrical, a professional needs to be called in to minimize the damage and the repairs of what happens when it isn’t done right.
This week I found myself asking this question of does it get better? I did stop myself thinking how so many have it worse than me. I told myself realistically this old house needs so much that to fix it all would involve more money than we will have in our lifetimes. Still my husband insists that we will be here til we die. I insist that we won’t and that if we sell it for enough ,we will be able to afford something more affordable and less wasteful for us. Of course my husband disagrees. I have seen this a lot- where the woman wants to downsize but the man does not. I imagine it has to do with the idea that men see their home along the manly lines of having provided this for his family. To lose that is for a man what emptying the nest is for the couple- only magnified. It comes as he sees his earning potential diminishing if not limited. The man feels the aging creeping in his body and does not want to acknowledge it in his home as well. Okay well, that’s my theory.
SO how this will pan out in the end ought to be curious. My husband is stubborn if he is anything. While I think I am realistic, my husband would disagree. This is due to how he sees that there are clouds in the sky somewhere that will likely find their way over his head…and I tend to think that there is much to be lived while the sun is out and there’s umbrellas and shelter to be found for when it storms. I see my life as not fully lived. He sees his life as winding down. I see the freedom that could be open to us now that our kids are grown. He sees the house as an entity that requires him to care for it til death do they part. Sigh… While others have saved for this time in life, we are out of resources there. While others reinvent their lives and while he was certainly up for changes when younger, now that there are not the others in our home to consider, he feels insecure if he is not following his current path. He thinks of the dogs, as do I- but we think of them and their lives dissimilarly. I know they are capable of adjustments and changes…something I wondering whether he is capable of anymore. I think we can be living our lives in an exciting way where what we do matters and counts in this world. Or counts to us! I like the phrase “Living out loud.” I like the thought of exhaling and diving into life. It’s scary- of course it’s scary. It’s unknown. But to me that’s part of the living of life. It’s the unknown that gets the adrenalin flowing. It’s the unknown that unfolds and forces us into problem solving and creative thinking. It’s the unknown that takes us out of our comfort zone to see sights we never knew were there. It’s the unknown that gets us to push our limits and allows us to do those things we never imagined we could. It’s the unknown that thrills us, surprises us, shocks us, teaches us, and at times stops us in our tracks and take inventory. Here’s to tomorrow-the known and unknown, the struggles, the triumphs and failures, the passage of time, and the living of life. May we do it as best we can. May we live it as fully we can. May we put one foot in front of the other and walk upright, reveling in our joys.

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