The Event…what makes it what it is

 A holiday approaches this week in the USA. It’s odd to think of the wholesomeness this holiday carried when I was a youngster. I remember being shocked at hearing that the whole world didn’t celebrate. it. Dah.In our home we celebrated a spirit of cooperation, of giving, of sharing. As years passed it became a subject of controversy…as the original story behind Thanksgiving came under fire. After all the Native Americans had been so wronged by their European invaders.So having raised 3 kids in 2 separate decades for their youth, how did I reconcile that? First off was to recognize that not all colonists were awful to the Native inhabitants. But even more importantly, I hope my kids got that most gifts of cooperation and conciliation are those unrecognized yet important to harmony. We celebrated how much we have been blessed with in our lives, with the special people who have graced our lives.

Now that being said it’s always been a feast of sorts…even in my early vegetarian days, this was a day when turkey was part of it. Now I can’t bear to think of how those turkeys live and how they are sacrificed. SO personally some of the most delicious healthy fun part is gone. That being said, with increased disability and having come from two quite different backgrounds there have always been a friendly dispute over whose stuffing, how to do the sweet potatoes. Over the years I have been the one who has given in – as I didn’t want a play by play of how delicious his family’s New England tradition was SOOOOO good…with the inferred this was the tasteless stuff he referred to- always saying it wasn’t but with broad scope comments it clearly was. Oh and who can forget the pies? Canned or fresh pumpkin or not even pumpkin. SO this year my husband came home with both an apple and a pumpkin store made pies, along with the announcement that if I wanted to make my own that I could still do so. AND what feed these to the birds? Sigh. Yes I was hurt but how do I say that to the guy who did all the shopping for the feast? So now he has taken over the entire meal and I can help by doing the dishes…yay again!! I want to appreciate his being happy to make the dinner- a lot of husbands wouldn’t or couldn’t. And now that our new tradition is so different, I’d like to go a step further and make a mini-vacation for us…in an RV somewhere peaceful or to the Macy day parade…or to a soup kitchen to give of our time. This however is met with strong resistance from my husband. As also does Christmas hold that thought for me…either a cold weather vacation on skis-  with 4 greyhounds (special needs ones at that) and a husband who has NO desire to do that doesn’t seem to hold that likelihood…course there is the beach warm weather vacation…but rain can be a bummer on that and now with heat intolerance, it’s hard to say how enjoyable that might end up being.  A ranch experience…just what Kenny would absolutely hate would bring my desire to ride horses but again would be selfish as Kenny has no interest there. I’d say we could visit my granddaughter or his grandkids…but Kenny has a tolerance level for kids where he reaches the teaching (lecturing or interfering part). SO why put them all through that including Kenny ?

Thing is that life has changed. It isn’t the great gift fest it once was for our kids. It isn’t the come to gramma’s house as they all have grandparents nearby who certainly want and deserve that joy as they are the ones who have been there throughout the year.

WHat does Kenny want? He’s happy with staying home, trying to guilt the kids into coming here, making a feast, and drinking his beer, taking our dogs on some extra walks and football. I am as selfish in enjoying the parades on tv, the dog show…and all of the above mentioned ideas. If we had more land, I would love to take in some shelter animals, to include farm animals…course, need a barn for that and we pass over his oh no, not in this lifetime list..

We discussed taking in foster kids…and Kenny was sincere in our discussion…trouble is his day to day functioning in that is the 1950s…having had quite the strained time with raising my kids. Going to a hospital to hold babies and make kids laugh would be swell but these days strangers aren’t welcomed as they once were….unless they are star or athelete quality people.

 Kenny has discussed wanting to save pets from kill sheltersif only we had the land and the buildings set up. Without winning the lottery, I don’t know how we’d do that…and realistically with the chance that he may be saddled with my needing overwhelming caregiving in this lifetime, it might really be unfair to my husband.

And of course lastly, Hannakah begins tomorrow- on Thanksgiving. With being told that this was once part of our family heritage, it became something over the years that I came to hold a dear spot in my heart. Of course starting such traditions after the kids were mostly raised is not an easy thing to have them jopin in. But I did explain and when younger, my daughters seemed to enjoy the candle lighting and the story we shared with it. We did not say the traditional prayers in Hebrew or English.

Now that we’re older we could get by with a much scaled back meal for Christmas and Thanksgiving so we could provide for someone who needs the help. Or have someone here- although probably more realistic is to donate to somewhere that is already having project underway.

How about taking grandkids to broad-way or Macy’s parade or the dog show? Probably I might be alone in that.lol There’s a vision. hahahaha


Now a dispute may be that our limited income is falling so…do we have enough to do anything we aren’t? Trying not to let the kids know how that’s going…they have their own worries…and I feel badly enough that we can do so little for them all.

There are also those who would need a serious clean up of their places…ha besides ourselves…lol. But instead of town councils threatening doing something to evict these people, maybe  we could get people on board to help step in to help. Often these are elderly people whose families have moved out and aren’t involved in their lives on everyday basis and they become like hermits and hoarding begins. Yes I am not doubt crazy.

Ok maybe beyond a holiday tradition these things. I guess what I am feeling is a desire to reach out to make a difference for someone. These ways can be totally anonymous or can forge friendships. Thing is that trying to hold on to holiday traditions that have left go of us years ago, seems to be a waste of good will. Somehow I will find a way to bring this up to my husband and we will find a way or a compromise. Meanwhile today I will give to my husband in joining in the holiday that will make him smile.  After all I am so very thankful for him and for all he has done and does for me. I pray there be a time of peace. I pray there be a time of truly being grateful for the love and gifts, no matter how large or small in all of our lives. I pray there be joy in every child’s heart. I pray that for those who are lonely, there be memories to warm their day. I pray for all to know and appreciate the love that they may see everyday should they only look.

And I pray my loved ones know how loved they really are by me. I pray if I should not fail at one thing, let it be that, and let it be that there is always a presence within themselves and about them throughout their lives , both in good times and bad.



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