To everything it seems, there is a smooth time and a rough time. It’s that way in recovery of any sort. Growth is that way, as well. These thoughts visit me so often probably because of the ways I am healing, growing. There is something about being in your 60s… don’t let anyone tell you different. It isn’t all doom and gloom. But it makes you take heed of all you thought about life at that age.
In truth, I feel much younger. Sixty being the new forty sounds pretty good to me. I was looking back over some old photographs of some family members when it occurred to me that while my mom looked older than I do at this age, she still was very much alive and experiencing life as she might never have were it not for a number of events and people in her life playing the roles they did. Still she managed to do this in a time where that was not thought of much. SO today I have placed myself into a dress, a beautiful dress I have worn on vacation. You know what I mean. It has a beautiful pink and white flowery pattern floor length. It was given to me by my youngest, my younger daughter. It would be perfect for a walk on the beach. But at this point that is highly unlikely. A number of recoveries to hurdle first I suppose. She is far away with her work but I feel her right here when I wear this. And somehow those rolling waves sound closer to my ears while I look into our above ground pool. It isn’t rocket science. People have dressed up or in a certain manner to feel better about themselves. This is not so different. I miss living near the beach. I always thought I’d get back there but here I am in the mountains of PA. There may be better places and there are surely worse. SO while this terrible nerve pain throttles my body right down to my soul, this has been a few moments of distraction perhaps to some. To me it felt more like a focus. I suppose it all depends on one’s perspective. And in that perspective lies a whole universe to explore. This day has been a rise.